#9

The Cockney Accent. A wondrous hilarity I have had a fair bit of exposure to already, here in London.

While coming back from Royal Ascot on the train yesterday, we saw two men hop on. One carrying a garbage back full of knick-knacks, the other accompanied by a dog. They both smelled of a foul concoction of booze, weed and filth well beyond the realms one is normally accustomed to.

They did however, enter with a large amount of funny things to say - most of which I cannot repeat in their entirety, due to the fact it was completely impossible to decipher what they were saying. I did gather some sort of order and understanding.

The man with the dog immediately said,
"Look after this, innit godda piss!"
"Fuckin' 'urry up then, there i' is!"

It was immediately clear that these dudes were pretty much drifters, they didn't buy a ticket - a fact they decided to tell the whole cabin loudly.

The dog started sniffing a male passenger who obliged in patting him. The man, being overly unintelligible and loud, as well as highly racist, said,
"Look at the fuckin' dog, slobbering all over this pants"

Yes I said 'this pants'.

The man insisted it was ok, and they started 'chatting' I guess you could call it. The mate then came out of the toilet, refreshed I assume, started talking absolute rubbish. The initial bloke started airing his knowledge over brands of pants - Pierre Cardin, Giorgio Armani and Hugo Boss. Ironically, his jeans I saw later were Armani. Stolen perhaps...?

Toilet dude was shocked and apologetic that his dog was 'slobbering' over others. He then asked,
"Whadjoo fink 'is name is?"
His friend said, immediately,
"C**T. That's 'is name"

It was at this point, I burst out laughing. It is likely to be one of those 'had-to-be-there-moments'. Absolutely hilarious.

What followed this was an exchange of gibberish, followed by a kiss on the forehead from one to another, the toilet man tapping on the pole in Morse Code and his friend being aggitated by it. Unfortunately, these fine men had to leave at the next station. Just before this, however, one of them claimed that he was 'known' by CID. Unlucky.

I was sad to see them leave - the girl across from us asked,
"Did you understand anything they said?"

Not really, luv, but enough.